Letters to unsuspecting recipients

My business partner and I are so blessed and grateful for all of our thespian acclaim. We decided to get (yet another) upstart going to give back to the community. We wrote to a dear friend that works for the Nuggets and Avalanche charities to see if she could foster a partnership. Please see the beauty below of when two great organizations come together.

Dear Sir or Madam,
Benjamin Franklin Production is pleased to announce the birth of a rigorous new acting program targeted to the the impoverished, downtrodden, ghetto, unloved youth.  This academy has been affectionately knighted The Franklin Academy for the Performing Arts. Here two of the finest pedagogues money could buy but didn’t, educate students on all facets of acting. Celebrated film makers, Caroline Singleton and Lisa Higbie, writers and stars of such films as Footwork and Hitching Post, donate their  valuable time to those less fortunate. It is of the utmost importance to the board members of the Franklin Academy for the Performing Arts, that the underprivileged are introduced to the good life of Shakesperean theater, the smash hit plays of Broadway, like  the Producers and Legally Blonde, and the delicacies of pantomiming.

Here is where we propose a partnership betwixt the Franklin Academy for the Performing Arts and Kroenke Sports Charities. Although there is no equal, mortal or god, to the thespian talents of Singleton and Higbie, we would like Carmelo Anthony and J.R.  Smith to host some of our introductory seminars. Specifically we look to both young men to lead ice breaker activities such as charades. These young men have an undeniable power within the Denver community and also possess a proclivity for dramatics.  Please send the men to 777 Corona St, apartment #7, on January 9th, 2010 AD. There they will be provided with uniforms and light snacks (Fruit by the Foot and Capri Suns.) They will need their social security cards, birth certificates, and work visas. We will  have them safe at home by 11pm.

With our new endeavor, it is difficult to find the right “type” of students. We look to you, Kroenke Sports Charities, to supply such young people. Specifically, we would like good-looking, abject specimens of human suffering, between the ages of 5-12. Children  of race are preferred.  The most photogenic group will be chosen for media purposes and must sign the proper release forms. Such forms are standard industry practice. After an intensive think tank session, we believe the most effective way to find such talent is through an open casting call. A forum like the Pepsi Center would be ideal for the crowds that will be auditioning for coveted spots at The Franklin Academy for the Performing Arts.

Additionally, we expect court side tickets to all of the Lakers game. We are sure that you agree that our contribution to not only to Colorado Athletics but to the betterment of youth  across the world, warrant a reward. We would not be opposed to complimentary libations or Nugget paraphernalia.

Thank you for your support and generosity,
Mr. Mendoza
President and Co-Chair of The Franklin Academy for the Performing Arts
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