I am jealous of men’s pants. See, they have large pockets. So a gentleman of wealth and taste can store all of his gold coins, and drug paraphernalia, and a toothbrush, if he so chooseth. Women’s pants are designed very differently. There are wee pockets. A woman of elegance and eloquence can barely get her mitts in them. This is because they design them pants tight for the ladies. I think it is fine to keep the back side tight, but let’s loosen up the front. So for my upcoming house of couture, I will bring the world, women’s pants, get this, with large pockets. In these enclaves a lady may bury a tube of lipstick, dog treats, or a copy of the Periodic Table. There is such an extensive list of what can go into your Deep Pocket (All Rights Reserved) pants. However, there is one rule. No tuna sandwees in ze pants.