I gots lots of free time. And with this free time, I sometimes try to do good things for the environment or just not take a nap. And when things are going really well, I read like a little ninajita. This is my new favorite book:
Death in Yellowstone
Accidents and Foolhardiness in the First National Park
by Lee. H. Whittlesey
There are so many good ways to die out in the wilderness. Each chapter is dedicated to a new inventive method of kicking the can. I have learned quite a few lessons (and I’m not even done yet). I would like to share.
Please do not eat wild parsnips.
Thermal pool are hungry for toddlers and have tentacles. If you are going to bring rug rats to the park, it would behoove you to watch them are these geothermal features.
You are not safe in canyons. Punk kids throw rocks off the edges, and you will be knocked the fuck out, and you will fucking die.
Grizzly bears have got to eat a lot in order to hibernate. They will eat humans, especially pretty ones from Switzerland. Do not hike alone. When hiking, make a bunch of noise so you don’t startle the ursine population.
“It is vain to look for defense against lightening” – Publius Syrus 42 BC
If you want to froth green at the mouth, eat water hemlock. If you want to froth yellow at the mouth, be exposed to hydrogen sulphide.
Next chapters include Malice in Wonderland, where we talk about where people get popped off. Ahh! I can’t wait.