diamonds aren’t best friends of some girls

We meet many people in this life. Some are them are little gems, with nice personalities and friendly smiles. And then ever so often, you run into really awful people. These rascals always come out at the witching hour, otherwise known as closing time at the bars. Following, they take cabs home after entertaining their dipsomania, and irritate the bejesus out of everyone around.

This is another good reason to stay away from watering holes. Where I live, every bar patron loads up into a van after 2am where the bartenders sing

“It’s closing time. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here mofos”

There is only one van and temps are cold. It tends to bring out the most contemptuous side of people. I know this, because I get in more altercations on this van than anywhere else. This past Thursday, I loaded up on the stage coach of drunks. My fellow passengers included some young men visiting from Arizona and an ogress.

There she was with bright magenta tights, drooping cross eyes, and to put simply – a homely girl. I do not believe in being vile towards innocent people. However, I am a strong advocate of giving it back to bullies. The inebriated always dish it but can’t take it.

I wish wish wish people would just remain silent on public transportation. It would benefit all, if the rules of libraries crossed over to other realms.

This is the part where are charmless shrew begins to slur smack “Uhhhhhh I hate Texans. I don’t care about you stupid tourists…. Go homeeeee.” This was of course directed to the Arizona gentleman , who were keeping to themselves.

OK bitch, quit your yapping, that’s what I was thinking. It is annoyaballs when people complain about tourism when that is the sole basis of our economy here. Get over it. She continues.

“I only care about Texans if they are buying me diamonds.”

I turn to her and say “Who would ever buy you diamonds?”

Meanie is me, but alas, think about it. It is quite a lofty idea that anyone would buy a drunk eyed  shlop with ill fitting tights and a bad temperament expensive tokens of love and sparkle? It’s time to get real.

All of us bar goers could stand to remember to be respectful and drink less. It’s not heroic like. All women are out for one thing, and one thing only, and that is diamonds. To be draped in jewels, one must quit the sauce and act like a lady. Participating in charity work, having a great singing voice, and doing laundry will all pave the way to procuring the jewels.
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