a new project

When I write, I write about 17 things at once. It is ever so effective. That  is me being not funny.

So like a bolt of lightening, I was struck with the inspiration to sit down and write a manual on how to raise teenagers. When I have told others about my newest venture, they are incredulous. I think they discount my expertise on the subject. I don’t have any kids. I hope to keep it that way.

But see, I think I am a good in betweeny. I don’t stand on the soap box of parenthood, and I don’t have angst stuck in my braces like teenagers. So here is the first go at telling people how to raise their kids. The collection is tentatively titled Essays on Teenage Dirtbags.

Is underage drinking something to be proud of?

Just like you shouldn’t stare at the sun, you shouldn’t be throwing parties for underage kids. Your eyes won’t like what they see in either scenario.

Parents that get off buying children Arbor Mists and Zimas are not making my cool list in 2011. Yes, at one point we all were thirteen year old bad asses and want to get our drank on. As a student of temperance, I refrained from devil juice until the riper age of seventeen, something I am still quite proud of to this day.
I never bought the case that if kids are drinking at my house, it’s chill. If kids are doing meth at my house in a responsible manner with adult supervision, it’s chill. My reputation precedes me as an expert in parenting. Believe me when I say, fair adults, try to provide kids with experiences and objects of value. Faberge eggs, or learning to cook hardboiled eggs ( a skill I do not possess) are much more meaningful then getting young’uns turned on to Jim Beam.

There is a good reason that teenagers and 8 year olds have been cut off. And this is where we get the whole Euro trash argument. Hans and Gretel in Germany are not told that drinking is sinful, therefore, later in life they do not abuse the booze. Buying a lot of liquor for these teenage disreputes and sending them to the basement to drown their sorrows, is not exactly encouraging a healthy relationship with indian medicine water.
Coolers of beer are a realistic part of American life. The teen rebel brigade is bound to experiment with the sauce. Do parents need to speed a long this process? No. If the adolescents Bobby and Babarella do act naughty, they should be able to rely on parents for help. Drunk driving is no good. But in the end, parents need not be accomplices in underage drinking crimes. Find better hobbies parents!

 


 

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