las caderas no mienten/ hips no lie

Lucky for us, it has been established that Shakira’s breasts are small and humble. Subsequently, we will not confuse them with mountains. But what might befuddle us common folk are those hips, they dern’t lie. This lady shakes her thing like only a few people are watching and she really needs the money. I don’t even feel like that covers it. Her avant guarde dance moves will clear the floor.*

But the meaning of her lyrics is simple. If Shakira or your neighborhood sex kitten has a poker face, take a lower look at that gunny sack, bike shorts, Umbros, poodle skirt, what have you. Are those hips swaying like a palm tree in a tropical breeze? Or emblematic of a mechanical part of an assembly line? Friends, the hips don’t lie. They are the only companions of truth we have these days. But it didn’t start with Shakira…

Elvis the Pelvis was the first one to unhook the chastity belt. People got to chatting, “His actions and motions were such to rouse the sexual passions of teenaged youth.” All of those gyrations got camera men to focus on the top half of Elvis. Coincidentally, he also had small and humble breasts just like that Columbian sorceress. But the Memphis Flash was trying to tell us great truisms with tawdry one piece suits and that stanky leg (the whole shaky leg thing was a dance move cause he was so nervous up there on stage!)

If only hips could tell the truth about other things – if Herman Cain is a sexual harrasser, if Princess Kate is preggers (please Lord!) and if Obama was born in this country or if he is an alien sent from outer space to ruin our economy!

Hips seem so much of a better indicator of than polygraphs or waterboarding. Just sayin.

*Thanks Lisa Higbie.

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